shimmerdance

...ago today, a man walked through my door, someone I’d been in school with as a girl and hadn’t seen in more than 30 years. As we spent time together, I realized I was very attracted to him. I told my darling [Bad username: ”eveofdstruction”] that I was emphatically NOT allowed to date him, as he had a couple of traits that put him on my no-fly-no-kidding list. Thankfully, she left town and wasn’t around to enforce my stated rule for me, because that man was my Matt, and we’ve been together and happy ever since.

Daily living with Matt is full of hugs, kisses, deep spiritual practice, flowers, love, kids, and chaos. We sometimes run into bumps along the road, and that conflict serves to slingshot us into deeper love for each other and the world. I have never had a spiritual peer as a partner before, and it is BLISS to be practicing at this level. I am more the woman I was meant to be because I am with him.

I am so happy, so grateful, so full. That first day is one of the best and most important days of my life.

Matt, my love, my husband-to-be, I adore you and am thrilled in every moment by the life we’re building together.

I am thoroughly mystified as to why any woman would wear jeans when there is comfy and colorful stretch velvet to be had. I throw on a pair of tights, a dress, shoes and BAM ~~ I am dressed. I look great, I am comfortable, there is nothing binding anything, it's washable... Stretch velvet is incredibly practical!

seriously...

why not?

probably my favorite fabric in the world! I have recently acquired a magnificent stretch velvet dress with sparkly stuff on the front and a deep v in the back. It is exactly the color of my red velvet doc martens, which are exactly the color of my fuzzy red coat. Now I need a matching hat. But that's not what I was going to say.

what I have noticed is that wearing red velvet to the hardware store attracts a certain amount of attention. Who knew?

that 300 lights is not enough for my tree?

I have to run out and find more now. I bought LED lights cuz they use less electricity. I don't love them quite as much, but they're not bad, and better for the planet. I just wish I had bought more. Why 300 lights isn't enough, I will never know.

What a wonderful way to end the year! anyone interested?

I've done work with Kathy before. She creates a very calm, safe space to explore deepened connection. Please remember that Tantra isn't about sex, and this isn't a naked workshop. It is an evening about delving into love with your partner, a friend, or someone you meet there.

xo

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SOLSTICE TANTRIC EVENING FOR WOMEN AND MEN
Standing Stone Healing & Arts Center
Saturday, December 19th
7 - 9:30 pm

At this darkest time of the year, deepen into greater presence with yourself and with others...through love & pleasure. Old patterns & habitual ways of being will drop away as we sink into the deep dark space of our core and the fire within. We will play with breathwork, intention, reflective games, sacred dance, and tantric body energetics. There will be space for connection with the person you are "partnered" with for the evening, as well as connection with everyone in the group. Be nourished and renewed by the presence of the Beloved, which is YOU. Singles, as well as couples, welcome. GLBT friendly.

35/single or $55/couple; $5 discount per person if registered by Dec. 5th; to register please contact Kathy Kali at 541-846-0631 or kathykali@tantricdance.org.

Kathy Kali, tantric guide & hypnotherapist, creates a loving and deep space for your deepening and transformation. For more information about Kathy's work, please visit http://www.tantricdance.org.

Blessings!

And thus ends my month of posting a few things for which I am thankful. It's been a good exercise, though not exactly a stretch, as I do practice gratitude regularly. (for example, I sent Matt a list of 100 things I love about him. He got to read it in pieces while I was out of town. It helped us feel connected in my absence.)

28: Thankful for a LOT of sleep. I really needed to catch up, and my day turned out to be mellow and included a couple of truly lovely naps. I feel more focused. Smarter even.

29: SO grateful for Beauty coming home from Walla Walla, and for Matt putting the Christmas tree in the stand for me. It was so fast and easy. Now I am ready to decorate.

30: Grateful for RocketMan coming back from Arizona. Grateful for lights and ornaments to hang and enjoy. Grateful for tea. Grateful for the log in the fireplace. Grateful for a life full of love and magic.

good luck to all of her (insane) friends in the home stretch. Hope you make your goals, or if not, wrote some stuff you're happy with.

I went to Matt's sister's house for a few hours yesterday, bringing bread and dips. They welcomed me warmly, and his folks, whom I had met once previously, did the same. I was a nervous wreck, but worried for no good reason. It was easy. They are lovely people. His niece and nephew are completely charming. I spent about half an hour on the phone today with his mom. We started off talking about the bread I had brought, and went from there. It was very nice.

Apparently she also had a conversation with Matt, telling him to cut down on the PDA. This amuses me no end, because really, all we did was sit together on a little love seat thingie. As far as I can remember, he didn't even kiss me, let alone grab my butt or pin me to a wall or anything. Anyway, I'm pretty sure she won't get her wish in that arena. *evil smile*

It seems she is trying me on as a step-parent for her grandchildren, too. It's really rather sweet. They have a tough home life, and she is helpless to fix it for them. So she's looking at me as helping to provide them with a safe haven. Her husband's health isn't great, either, and we talked about how difficult it is for strong, independent men to lose some of their abilities. It was a very wide-ranging conversation, and a good one. Like the subject-line says, it seems I'm IN!!!

Today, I am grateful for my mind. I can think things through and reach a logical conclusion. I can read and my brain does some magical thing that transports me deep into another world. I can remember things about those I love. I can experience compassion for others. Through my brain, I feel an endless variety of emotions. I can appreciate beauty. I can write a sonnet or a book.

Even the parts of my brain I don't like are miraculous. I remember things that happened when I was a child; small moments of which I am the sole curator in the world. When my thoughts conspire against me, I use this as a spotlight to illuminate areas I still need to work on. It is my partner in personal growth.

I should give this idea more thought. (heh)

Today, I am grateful that I got to meet more of Matt's family. I liked them and I think they liked me. *phew* I am now grateful to be by myself in a quiet house as Matt goes off to work. I'll be taking a long, hot bath; then joining him later this evening to spend time with some of the old folks he works with every day. I'm grateful to have a man who gives his heart and talent to people who need him.

I am grateful for my friends and family.

I am grateful to be growing in my capacity to love.

I am grateful for my spiritual practice.

I am grateful for color.

I am grateful for my life.

I am grateful that my children have fathers and grandparents who love them.

I am grateful for my health.

I am grateful for friends who post thought-provoking topics on LJ.

I am grateful that those around me have an abundance of love in their lives.

I am grateful for each and every breath I take.

love, love, love!

Today, I am grateful for a month of gratitude. It is a good and important practice. While I will probably drop off the posts, I will continue to think of it every day. This has been helpful.

Today, I am grateful that my darling eveofdstruction and her wee lassie have conquered the H1N1 and are none the worse for the wear.

xoxo

Friday ~ I arrived at the workshop, worked my butt off setting up and receiving the participants. As the workshop began, I was standing over to the side, just holding space and offering non-verbal love and acceptance. One woman started to sit down, looked at me, got up and walked across the room to where I was. She said, "I don't know what it is about you, but something drew me over here. I had to come and say hello." I am grateful for this powerful lesson; I don't have to *do* anything, I simply have to *be* and still make a difference to others.

Saturday ~ I had the opportunity to work with a variety of women who were not fully feeling their feminine. They were tentative, afraid, hesitant... by the time I was finished with them, each of them had claimed a part of herself that she didn't know existed. I am SO grateful to be in a position to serve these women to greater openness.

Sunday ~ Exhausted to near weeping, I rode home from Canada, incredibly grateful for my friend Zanne, who was driving. I arrived home to my mate, who carried in my suitcase and then held me all night long. BLISS.

Today, I am grateful for Matt at a whole new level. I spent the weekend practicing opening my heart even further, and brought my new learning home to him. He spent the weekend missing me, and dropping into a deeper, even more solid place in our love. He's off at his men's group tonight, where he will grow again in the support of his masculine community. I am honored to be his woman.

everywhere you go. Good lord. I'm probably going to hell, but I really want this...

http://www.etsy.com/view_listing.php?listing_id=34029056&ref=cat1_gallery_5

also...

nocompromises suggests that we replace "going commando" with the peppy term, "going rogue." I like it. Please join in. Imagine if this catches on!!!!!

Today, I am grateful for my goddess group. I've practiced once a month with these women for 3 years now. The friendships are precious to me, and the practices I've done have helped to make me the woman I am today. I've learned and grown so much by my commitment to this group.

I'm staffing again this weekend. This is one of my real passions. I love helping women to open to themselves and their femininity. It is a joy and a privilege.

and

there is a little sadness, because I would really rather being doing it with Matt. I hope we'll be able to do it together in June, but right now, it isn't financially feasible. I'll be there this weekend, watching other couples grown and deepen their relationship, and a part of me will be wistful. Good practice in living in the present moment and knowing all things happen in their time. Another example of welcoming pain as an avenue for growth.

and

as usual, the thought of being in a room with a hundred people gives me the heebie jeebies. Eeek. Oh. Right. Yet another opportunity to practice. I really should get a bracelet that says that in diamonds or something.

Yesterday's gratitude is for Terry Pratchett. His writing is funny, irreverent, and incredibly intelligent. I adore his books.

Today, I am grateful for my wardrobe. I love having lots of clothes to choose from so that I can match my mood. I'm packing for another weekend staffing Sex, Passion, and Enlightenment, and I'm taking lots of extra clothing to share with women who brought clothing for the person they were on Friday. They often find themselves to be someone else by Saturday night. *smile*

I went in to the bank to make a deposit tonight. My favorite bank manager was there. I've seen him only a few times over the course of several years, but I just like him. Each time he has seen me, he has said to the teller beside him, "Will you just look at that smile?" And it makes me feel wonderful, and I smile more.

Today, I chatted with the bank people about picking up my passport and being ready for whatever adventure lay ahead, how great life was, what joy there is around every corner. And then I walked out into the parking lot.

it was raining. as the rain drops hit the puddles under the streetlights, they created a thousand sparkles. I raised my face to the rain, letting it kiss me over and over and over. It was glorious.

I wanted to rush back into the bank, back to my friends. I wanted to drag them out to say, "SEE? How could I help but smile. Just LOOK at it. Feel it."

But I didn't. And now I wish I had.

But that would be weird.

wouldn't it?

Today, I am grateful for my passport. Having this document gives me a feeling of imminent adventure. At any moment, I could pack up and go just about anywhere I want to.

This week, it will take me to Canada on Friday to staff Sex, Passion, & Enlightenment. I'll have a super-busy weekend focused on helping women to move beyond their fears and find their bliss. It is a glorious way to spend my time, and even though I come home completely exhausted, I am always grateful for the learning I get through the service I give.

I was pondering, and of course this led me to think about the word itself and ponder upon it. Why do we ponder when we weigh evidence and carefully consider, are we not being ponderous? (well, not necessarily anyway, some folks ARE ponderous in their pondering)

The root of those words is the same, and I can see the relation, but really, oughtn't ponderous be related to pondering? God... now my brain is searching for other words based on this... preponderance. Now THERE's a useful word. If you happen to be a lawyer, I guess.