shimmerdance

srsly. Just do it.

http://commhappy.com/eng/


laughing myself silly.

note: "eng/" is a relative term here.

Matt has fought and won many battles in his life. He has the Noble Warrior spirit in a way that makes me weak in the knees. He's battled addiction, and the legion of inner demons that go along with it. He is incredibly self-actualized and confident. He walks tall and proud. (one moment's pause while I fan myself.)

Today, he starts a new battle. Matt is quitting smoking. (I know. I fell in love with a smoker. What the FRENCH?) He has a mission in this life, and that is best fulfilled with a healthy body and a long life. He is quitting for himself, but it will benefit me, our children, the people he serves, his AA community, and a host of others.

There's not much I can do to support him, (although I did find an interesting way to distract him from missing his morning cigarette. *ahem*) but I'll find small ways to help. Mostly though, I'm just basking in the glow of being with a man whose word is law, and who does what needs to be done simply because that is what men do.

We agreed that I'm not to mention this, because if I do and he's not thinking about it, I've just hit him with "friendly fire" and made things worse. But I'm posting about it. How can I not? I'm so proud of him, so grateful for what he's doing.

In other news, Connor is adamant that Matt is going to be his stepfather. (thankfully, Matt agrees) He's making no bones about it, trying to figure out how we'll fit matt and his kids into the extant house (we won't) and when all of this will happen. (not for more than a year) I love seeing my son respond to the presence of a good, solid man in his life. It's gorgeous.

I was having a minor freak out the other day, some old stuff coming up. He pulled me close, looked in my eyes, and said, "I'm Matt."

and that's all he had to say. I got it. This man brings it; honesty, integrity, love, a desire to do what is best for us in the long run. I don't have to worry about anything. Ever.

He's Matt. That's all. That's everything.

My sweetheart went out and got an LJ so he could see what I've been writing about. (oh good lord, is it too late to go back and lock the most heavily neurotic posts?????????) Please give a warm welcome to areallygoodman, known to me as Matt, among other things.

xo

I think you all know that for me, dance is like prayer and meditation. It keeps me grounded and healthy. I do it pretty much ever day, or I suffer for it.

Today, i was dancing in the living room. Matt was reading. I had no idea he was paying any attention to me at all, when he got up and handed me the following:

My love dances with a freedom like no other, like a child, happy and
free, unfettered by humanity's efforts to lock up, analyze, & ship out
for storage. She dances in spite of other's desires to imprison that
which they don't understand. Light on her feet, airy and smooth with
passionate rhythm for life. Life, love, and living in the face of
humanity. She lives to be free. She shares that freedom with me, with
her love and adoration for me. I am so grateful to be free with her.
In love. Forever.


Rough. Unedited. Possibly grammatically unwieldy. Perfect. From an amazing heart. He gets it, you see. He gets me. I am so grateful.

I need to answer the question: What do women want from men?

free for all. Have at it. Comments screened.

Looking for the questions people are asking about love, sex, intimacy, related subjects...

Not necessarily your questions, but if you've heard anything interesting at a party, or there's something you wish was taught in school... whatever.

( sample questions )

Yes. I chose. I will give my love to this man. He is extraordinary, and I am honored by his regard.

I met his kids yesterday, and they are delightful young people. His relationship with them is strong, open, funny. Just like him. I bonded nicely with his daughter, who is about the same age as the Gothlet. She said she's never seen her dad so happy, and kept looking at the two of us together and grinning. It was nice. At one point she looked at me and said, "BFF!" in exactly the same way the Gothlet does to me.

I didn't get to know his son very well, as he and the RocketMan were busy hanging out and having a great time. They stopped long enough to eat some dinner, but then were right back to it. It was wonderful to watch. Both young men are hungry for connection and friendship, and found it in each other. How cool is that? Also... they have the same name. It was a bit hilarious calling them to dinner.

I made the decision to love Matt after we had a conversation in which there was a TON of miscommunication and misunderstanding. We could not seem to connect with each other. Some of the ideas we'd thought we'd heard from each other were rather hurtful. In the past, we'd have each pulled back, but independently, we decided to stick with it and work it out to clarity. We said what we'd heard, HORRIFYING the other person with how badly we'd muddled getting our meaning across, and then worked our way through it again to get it right. After that, I knew I could trust him to master his emotions in the heat of the moment and stick with me. In that moment, I chose.

I'm going to do a more detailed locked post. Will you people who read me and refuse to get an LJ please just suck it up and get one already?????

xoxoxoxo

told me he loves me. In no uncertain terms. Doesn't mind that he's not hearing it back from me. not yet.

We're not having sex yet. We're taking everything slowly, savoring each "first". I expect it will be a few months before we cross that line, even though we both really want to. This is not my imposing a boundary, though it may have started that way. We both feel it is what is called for in building a forever foundation.

We are building a spiritual practice as a part of our life together.

I feel beautiful, cherished, safe.

For me, this is how it should be.

xo

inspired by i_come_undone


when you're done reading this, consider the good things in your life and post them in your own journal.

1.) Sunshine
2.) Tea
3.) My BFFs
4.) My kids
5.) Kissing
6.) Steak (!!!!)
7.) Firm boundaries, respected with love
8.) Words - always loving the reading/writing/exchange of ideas
9.) Laughter
10.) Music

Srsly. Think about all you have to be grateful for and share, please? I'd love to know what is bringing you joy in this moment.

xo

kissed. gently. butterfly wings brushing my lips, firmly landing on my forehead in an expression of affection. While he referred to me as "the woman I adore." Ummm... wow.

and did I mention he can fix stuff? So hot!

As I sit here, there is a crow in the cherry tree right outside my window. He is so close I can see the overlap of his glossy, black feathers. He's gorgeous.

(This tree has born fruit twice in the 18 years I've lived here. I didn't know it was a cherry tree until I'd been here more than 10 years.)

I think I have squirrels in my attic. I heard running last night, and I don't think it was across the roof. Better squirrels than other rodentia, but still! So who has experience with getting rid of the furry little nuisances? anyone? I know what I've read, but I'd love to hear from someone who has actually dealt with the problem.

Still being courted...

" I wont push you into anything you don’t want to do. Without a good foundation, we’re fucked. I believe in 48 years of looking for a mate, you have the most potential for being a life partner. Someone to actually grow old with. I will go as slowly as it takes to make that happen. "

This email, from a man who has not so much as tried to kiss me.

(Which, frankly, makes me wish he would. Soon, I think.)

Is there much of anything in the world sexier than a man with self-discipline?

(how about a man with self-discipline who is covered in grease because he just pulled out the catalytic converter on your car and replaced it with a new one? Right before he sat down and talked to you about his own spiritual experiences? Who is a professional at work, but talk knowledgeably about explosives? SEXXXXYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!)

I know this is going to worry my PLP. See what happens when you leave town, honey? Best hurry back. Srsly. I need you to get to know him, STAT!

How did I not know about Seattle's Wall of Gum???? I can't believe I haven't taken out of town visitors to view this repulsive marvel, deemed the second germiest tourist attraction in the world.

http://www.citizenrain.com/2009/06/seattles-wall-of-gum-one-of-ge.html

~~~

My new definition of "lady" is Elizabeth Edwards. I love her! I plan to buy her book, even.

~~~

A newly discovered mushroom was named after a collegue's junk. He claims to be delighted by the tribute, even though said fungi is small and limp-looking.

~~~

a mention of "strangely delicious jello pudding cookie salad" left me blinking and confused. So I googled it and found this page.

http://www.auntromas.com/salad_and_dressings.htm

do people really EAT this stuff? And how on earth do most of those things merit the designation of salad? Is it because they are not casseroles or hunks of meat? And who knew Cool Whip was still alive and kicking? (an odd thing for what I've always assumed to be an inorganic substance)

From dictionary.com, we get the following on salad...

1. a usually cold dish consisting of vegetables, as lettuce, tomatoes, and cucumbers, covered with a dressing and sometimes containing seafood, meat, or eggs.
2. any of various dishes consisting of foods, as meat, seafood, eggs, pasta, or fruit, prepared singly or combined, usually cut up, mixed with a dressing, and served cold: chicken salad; potato salad.
3. any herb or green vegetable, as lettuce, used for salads or eaten raw.
4. South Midland and Southern U.S. greens.
5. any mixture or assortment: The usual salad of writers, artists, and musicians attended the party.

and now you know.

~~~~

These are the things I learn from spending an hour on Saturday morning listening to NPR.

xo

digitalshepherd just told me about this handy little saying, and I am passing it on in case you haven't heard it. Heaven knows we could all use it at times.

"Cancel my subscription. I'm tired of your issues."

That is all.

xo

Poll #1418244 Does Roxanne have an Evil Grin?
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All

Does she?

If there is one person or more on your friends list who makes your world a better place just because they exist and who you would not have met (in real life or not) without the internet, then post this same sentence in your journal.


So many of you. SO many. I am blessed with a wealth of people to love, and I've even met many of you IRL, thanks to LJ or other online connections.

*smooches*

The Gothlet, resplendent in shimmering blue, graduated from middle school last night. She ended the year with a B+ average. I am so proud of the lovely young woman she is becoming.

There are tiny birds (maybe chickadees) in the tree outside my window. They are so cute.

I am thinking of, and appreciating all of the good men in my life. They provide and stark and useful contrast to what else is out there.

And along those lines...

The true profession of a man is his journey to himself. – Herman Hesse (Siddhartha)

Which segues nicely into...

http://artofmanliness.com/ -- just a great, great site! I'm waiting for them to start a dating site. Real men. Nom nom nom. Check out their "30 days to be a better man" program. Makes me weak in the knees, I tell you.

also

A balding, panchy guy who knows his deepest purpose and lives it with integrity and passion is a thousand times sexier than a shallow guy with 6-pack abs and a full head of hair.

And then there's...

CLOTHING EXCHANGE on Sunday! Are ya comin'? If you haven't responded to the evite, and you are intending to come, please let me know.

But wait, you also get...

Tomorrow is the last day of school. (!!!!!) I am excited for summer with my wee beasties. Of course, I won't have the elder beastie back until after 7/4, but it will be fun to have time alone with the RocketMan anyway.

And speaking of summer...

Summer reading time demands that you join http://www.paperbackswap.com. Thanks to dreamingcrow for telling me about them.

And finally...

Tanja has been asking the team to come up with a call to action. She signs all of her emails with "be amazing." Other members of the team use "be dazzling" and "be miraculous." I do not like the idea of telling anyone how to be. The truth is, some people are not dazzling, nor do they have any desire to be. I have rebelled against this idea, because I don't think that one size ever fits all. It just doesn't. I've been turning an idea over in my mind for about a month, though, and I finally decided I am comfortable with it. So my "Call to Action" is going to be...

Live Your Truth

Ta-DA!

I don't think anyone can argue that that is a good thing to do. It suits all people, in all situations, and supports all choices, even perhaps the "unwise" ones, as being a legitimate part of the human experience.

So there you have it. My life in a nuthouseshell.

xo

I just wrote the following sentence. Publicly.

"Please PM me with your email if you'd like to receive the evite."

Now, imagine yourself reading that in 1985. (those of you who can remember 1985. Those of you who can't, just shut up. *grin*)

What an amazing world.

I'm not having a crisis about my intellect or anything, but it bugs the HELL out of me that I've been doing sudoku for several months now, usually 1-2 a day, and my fastest time is STILL really slow. I do not know how those speedy people do it. *pout*

I am doing this as an exercise in thinking in ways that are not natural or comfortable to me, to develop my logical side and build new neural pathways. Like going to the gym, only for my BRAYNZ!!!

but... damn. You know? Just... damn.

ETA: (mostly as a reminder to myself) I am comparing my times to other people who use www.websudoku.com. This is not a comparison w/ the general population, but with those who are likely somewhat obsessive sudoku players. I'm sure I'd kick major ass if we just went to the mall and asked 100 random people to solve a "hard" level puzzle. No. Really. I would. Honest. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!

xo

Salsa last night, Ecstatic Dance this morning. Spinning in the arms of men I don't know. Being flirted with, being pursued, smiling, laughing, letting it all slide off me. My life is bliss-full.

xo